I was shocked to read that our firm actually imports and markets a 'mind-boggling' wine. We are not cited as the importer by the Famous Wine Critic, as we share this wine with another importer in the Midwest. But, finally, I could look my children Jules and Alyce straight in the eye, and say:

Listen up children, stand tall and be proud. Your mother and father import a "hedonistically-styled" wine that nearly boggled the mind of The Famous Wine Critic. Not only did he say it was nearly mind-boggling but he also wrote "Wow!" in describing the wine.

Jules was not impressed. "Big deal," Jules said and pointed out that 'nearly mind-boggling' seemed to be a qualified endorsement, falling considerably short of both mind-boggling and absolutely mind-boggling.

Of course not, I answered, the critic said the wine "is an amazing creation that pushed the sensory circuits into overdrive." You can't get much getter than an amazing creation and overdrived sensory circuits, I answered my son.

Jules and Alyce asked me what the wine's color was like, and I responded: the famous wine critic said it was "impressively saturated ruby/purble."'

Alyce then asked me what the wine smelled like and I said, according to the same critic, "the nose offers up sumptuous aromas of wood, spice, schored earth, and blackberry and cherry liquor."

Jules then asked if there was a long finish. Of course, I said, according to the wine critic it "possesses a 45-second-finish."

Both children wanted to know if we were now wealthy. They were disappointed to learn that this wine is made in small quantities and that the wine would never make us wealthy. Alyce suggested that we charge a fortune for the wine. We had considered doing that, but the wine seems to be available through numerous grey market channels at a reasonable price. We're out-of-luck.

posted on Monday, January 08, 2001

- Joe Dressner 5-09-2001 4:42 pm